Hey there! 
 
      Do you pray when you eat your food? Ask yourself that. For some readers and listeners, they may very well execute the deliverance of graciousness and gratitude in the ritual of nourishment. The one thing I find myself relapsing back into the deepest addiction, is the privilege of having a meal. Unfortunately, throughout this month long trip I recognize I have omitted praying prior to intake.
 
      People, who know truly know me, know I love to cook. We’ve all heard the saying, “A woman’s place is in the kitchen,” and you’re damn right it is! It’s my personal palace, my play station, my work place, my church, and I don’t need anyone to remind me what I should be doing, I enjoy doing. It’s not uncommon for me at times to tell some people who congregate, “I love you, but you need to get the f*&^ out!” Of course, coming together and providing the occasional chuckle whilst rinsing vegetables, picking cilantro off by hand, the random nomination of a worthy assistant, and choosing the appropriate glass of wine is welcomed on all accounts.  Choice is being able to test riding seasoning, keeping timing in perfect balance with percolating the right smells to attract your flock of hungry hungry hippos and the grand finale is being able to lay it out in the nearly perfect portion for the gatherers to feast upon. I call the shots when I’m cooking, and your place is to wait patiently.
 
     When it is all said and done, phones away, computers away, it’s time to relish in the love that has been poured into a display of color and texture. By all means, I am no Gordon Ramsey, Rachel Ray or the late Anthony Bourdain looking to capture the minds and aw of people around the world. When it comes to cooking and the privilege of taking time to cook, and eating what I want to eat, I bow down to the incredible gift I have been given, and simply put, is knowing I was given a choice. What a privilege it is to have choice, and this is why I chose to take the time to write this blog. I am lucky enough to choose and for that I pray.
 
    I must confess, throughout this month long hiatus I have slacked in praying prior to my meal. I’ve cooked several meals whilst staying at friends houses along the way, ate like a queen at all inclusive resorts, sipped wine and spirits in a catalog of watery platforms, yet I forgot to pray. Cooking and praying prior to a meal, of any meal should be recognized and I apologize to my inner soul for the lack there of. I have been given choices to indulge; do you recognize that when you look at your meal?
 
     Whether you have cooked it or not, acknowledging the very basic, yet penetrating, privilege of having choice. So many people out there do not have that privilege. As recent as yesterday after I sat down outside to eat, watching the boaters breeze by, feeling the warm air massage my skin on a Sunday afternoon in Michigan, the gift of being present gave way for a reminder of how lucky I am. I had a choice to decide what I wanted to eat, when I wanted to eat, where I wanted to eat, and how I wanted to eat. Something so miniscule, so collective in our daily lives and taken for granted on so many levels. There are people out there who have no choice, or one choice, eat whatever is being forced, served, or starve.
 
    In buying organics, organics have a shelf life so fresh fruits and veggies need to be utilized in a timely manner.  When going out, my eyes at times talk a load of shit to my belly when it comes to options, so I do my best to stay rational between the two so one doesn’t feel defeated in the game of fully loaded. There have been many instances in my life where choice was not the option and I had a choice to eat or starve. I remember when I was young being forced to eat disgusting dishes of crap involuntarily, yet spell bound of other crappy choices based on my perceptions of deliciousness. I didn’t learn from my parents, I learned on my own because now I have better grasp on choice as well as the privilege to do so. This stands along side praying as well.
 
      Praying prior to a meal, and I’m not talking about always bringing your palms to hearts center, saying dear heavenly father. We all respect and recognize gratitude in different forms though I trade off between speaking out loud or quietly to myself. My go to when cooking and eating is as simple as, ‘Thank you lord for this privilege of being able to sit down and having a meal in front me. I am thankful and blessed I was able to choose what I wanted to eat, when I wanted to eat, and I recognize many people out there are not as lucky as I am, I am blessed. I am so freaking lucky I have a choice to say yes or no.”
 
     The bottom line to this blog is simple, recognize the gift of choice in deciding the when, what, where, and how of nourishing your body. It can be said out loud, quietly to yourself, hands held, hands in prayer, a daily sermon of acknowledgment, whatever you come up with that is appeasing to you. There are many people out there in the world who do not have this privilege, a gift that tends to be overlooked based on the perception of abundance as well as healthy options when in fact it is not always the case in many parts of the world.
 
 
  Thank you for reading and until next time!
 
- D
 

     Wow it's been less than a month since we finished our Summer YTT program at Reach Yoga in Pacific Beach and I'm so thrilled for the new instructors, some whom are already teaching! To say it's humbling is an understatement, it was a privilege. Do you remember your YTT? What was your experience like? I remember when I first enrolled in my 200 YTT program, it was in Hatha Yoga here locally in San Diego. I never imagined I would be in the position now to share what I learned then, and even now as I took on the role to lead at Reach Yoga. Every batch is so very different and I garner so much knowledge from each person who shows up and accepts the responsibility of taking on the training. It's not easy, and yoga isn't meant to be easy. However, we flourish in unintentional ways, we grow in small pieces, we inspire, we become catalysts for those around us by setting off a dynamite of energy, glowing energy. As a lead instructor it is my duty to be the best version of myself, to offer myself, to be open in guiding as well as learning from all the energy we create in the batch and I am so thrilled for our recent Summer batch as they continue to embark on their journey as instructors.

         With that being said, our Fall YTT is just around the corner! Starting October 8th for another 10 weeks, another set of students will take on the responsibility of enduring this journey of self discovery. Our method at Reach Yoga, combined with our Vinyasa Flow helps to guide students in developing awareness, thought provoking, and pillars of transformative interpretations of oneness and how are all connected. It's important to celebrate individuality as well as community when going through this training and I'm eager for it to get under way. You never know what anyone can bring to the table when they walk in for their first introduction session, and who they become. It's exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time! 

         Here are a few photos of our summer batch and it's not too late to sign up if you're here in San Diego. We start October 8th, there is still time to enroll! So don't hesitate to email me directly or [email protected] and be sure to write in the subject line "FALL YTT enrollment." 

OM SHANTI .

Desiree

Leaving off from Sunday in New York.

              The Monday following I googled a Forever 21 to buy a few items for my stay because the weather was a bit colder then I had anticipated and I didn’t want to bring cold weather clothing en route to the Caribbean. Luckily Irina had a few jackets I could barrow for the time being. It was a 2.5 mile walk up Broadway to get to Forever 21 and I had more then enough time to walk. Just after Irina scurried off to work, I left shortly after to familiarize myself with Manhattan.
 
             I headed north and took in the hustle and bustle of a New York minute watching people rush off to work, buying their breakfast donuts and coffees from the street stands, making their way on foot in the local commute with an umbrella, phones, and earphones. To my pleasure, I found a 24 Hour Fitness along the way, which was a bonus. Eventually I found the Forever 21 (yep I’m not boujie) I spent an hour rummaging through the clothes, trying on a few items until I finally felt satisfied with what I had.
 
            Previously, I looked up Yoga to the People for locations and times. I saw on the schedule a noon Power Vinyasa class at a location relatively close to where I was that was in contingency. I decided to look up Dharma Yoga Centre and their class schedule also had a noon class as well for 90 minutes. Decision made. The studio was approximately 1.5 miles away from where I was, a tad further but not entirely a stretch. I calculated X amount of blocks walking at X pace to get there in the knick of time. It was cold, wet, raining, dreary, and I was, loving the atmosphere. I had nowhere to be other then on my way to Dharma to get in a practice.
 
            When I arrived, I walked in like a little kid in a chocolate candy store. I was excited, I finally made it to this studio I’ve heard of, read about, saw on the television, and there I was. Dharm Mittra the owner and master teacher was not around during my time frame unfortunately. No worries, I was still so excited to be there, to be at this space that has such a invaluable reputation. The front desk staff was kind and I could tell it was going to be a great session, just by hearing the chanting from the previous class as I walked in. There was something about this studio I immediately fell in love with.
 
            The energy spoke to me and I was eager to be a student all over again, more so than Y7. People started piling into the space in all different directions, grabbing props, yoga wheels, blankets, blocks, chit chatting amongst others. I placed my mat down in a corner tucked in the back so I could see the entire space. It’s a very basic studio, no showers, or hip music playing. To me, I felt like I was definitely in a New York yoga class simply by the array of beings that came together in this space. It’s interesting to accept the notion that this was east coast vs west coast, traditional but not. I don’t get classes like that back in San Diego unless it’s Ashtanga based or Rocket.
 
           We started in standing of traditional Surya Namaskar A moving into B with only the name of the poses. No cookie cutter cueing, just get your bum right into it and move. Our teacher was male, slim, seemed young, perhaps early 30’s. Strong of course with standard inner strength in flexibility, giving me the impression he only teaches this particular style. His voice was dry and that of a master teacher. There is an essence of demeanor from different styles of teaching and many programs teach their YTT’s to be embracing, soft, and inviting. He was not. He was not mean, nor harsh, he was matter of fact, and that’s what I liked. He had a drawing distance to his teaching methodology and that has always been my go to in practice. I feel personally, that is what makes a master teacher; a slight separation of camaraderie but not entirely unapproachable.
 
            Throughout the 90 minute session, I received everything I was quietly feening in a practice. The Dharma sequence is attractive yet intimidating. Like a beautiful human walking into a room that has all the sex appeal and qualities of a well-rounded person, only to have you question yourself. Of course I couldn’t nail every advance posture like I use to before, taking into consideration I just don’t practice that hard anymore. Nevertheless, because of the environment I submitted myself to, my inner yogic practice was heightened and I’m glad I took the initiative to make it to Dharma.
 

Studio Review - Modest, Enlightening, Big Space

From the elevator you walk into the small area to take shoes off. Lobby is of moderate size, plenty of Dharma souvenirs and other yogic essentials, beads, malas, how to books, etc. The look is not hip or up to date and that's what makes it what it is. 

Changing area - Two curtained off areas for men and women to leave their stuff.

Bathrooms - Small, basic, no showers

​Main room - Very big, plenty of props to use. 

  Depression. Shameful word yet with so many convictions and interpretations. As it's been said many times over, it's all in the head, which is true. We have so many thoughts going through our mind, some 60,000 a day. Are you tired yet? And one painful experience many endure is depression.  

Definition of Depression: 
    *A mood disorder in which individual experience extreme unhappiness, lack of energy, and several related symptoms
    * Psycho pathogenic feeling of sadness; a decrease in vital functions
    * It is also described as a feeling of down heartedness or psycho physiological withdrawal in the event of a perceived threat.  
   
Here are the common causes of Depression:
* Unhappy relationships
* Redundancy
* Resentment
* Parenthood
* Retirement
* Loosing a loved on
* Divorce
* Failure at work
* Illness
* Children leaving home
* Lethargy 
* Unaccomplished

“Yoga is also something that can be very powerful in the treatment of depression,” - Dr. Turner.

  Relate to one? Two? Any? All of the above? I have. I can relate. I turned to yoga because I was going through a rut in my last relationship which turned out to be such a blessing now in my life, and I'll explain later. However, from personal experience, there are days where, what I call an 'emotional storm' passes through and I just become down. I know for certain it's simply my thought process, questioning myself, and analyzing patterns that I am sensitive to. I turned to yoga and it has been my therapy on many levels but people also turn onto different avenues to steer away the state of depression. What I have learned in yoga therapy, as we had discussions and experiences, preventative measures us humans can put in place to help subside these elements of depression for a more conscious and constructive way of life. 

   Prior to signing up for my first certification a few years ago, I was emotional. I was lost, confused of my relationship and where I was going. My relationship which I thought was my savior was actually alienating me. One day, I walked into a workshop titled, 'Yoga for Emotions" led by a woman who went through depression herself and there were a few moments during this workshop where I just wanted to cry. I felt connected to this type of yoga, it was therapy for me mentally, which has led me to where I am today writing this blog. I'm not a professional expert readers and I'm being frank. I don't have scientific proof of having studied years upon years of the bio-mechanics and in the medical field. But what I can say, on my own behalf, in order to be balanced you have to be able to go inward and identify what it is that draws depression to you. 

   Take myself for example. Some days I'm easy peasy, very chill, and have an outlook like Lao Tzu, to believe in the way and what was meant to be will be. The drive I use to have when I was younger, that ego driven expression has taken a back seat. If there was something I wanted to make happen, I'd make it happen and no one would stop me. Does that not make me a go getter? Maybe to some body elses eyes. Yet, now in my 30s I feel, with the help of yoga, I have learned to witness what it is going on in my head and take the time to witness and observe versus react. I have also noticed with yoga on a mental aspect in observing others, the bouts of depression can hinder physical conditioning.

    What is the first thing some people like to do when they are depressed? Eat and eat a lot, OR, hit the gym and hit it hard. With depression comes alter of ego, depletion of hormones that are suppose to help us feel invigorating. Some of us can go zero to 60 mph in 1.5 seconds to default the depression by going into the gym, pretending to be happy, brushing it under the rug, drinking, or blaming others. Look, lets face it, we have to deal with our dramas regardless and there are so many ways to do so. 

   Now as for yoga and depression, how can the yoga help prevent? Well first off, you have to be consciously aware of the 'disease' (dis - un ease - comfort) by what you do to your body, your mind set, surroundings including but not limited to who you surround yourself with. Secondly, how is your breathing pattern? I know we've barely touched on that aspect, but breathing is important. Controlled breathing is a wonderful aspect of knowing your state of mind. When you are depressed, do you smoke? Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit? Having been an ex-smoker myself, whenever I felt stressed out or depressed, I would smoke cigarettes for that oral fixation of physically feeling as if I'm letting go of what no longer serves. Then I was a habitual stoner, finding every reason to smoke week especially when I was depressed, to not think of the situation. I have since stopped smoking cigarettes from years ago, and I no longer smoke weed. 

   Having gone through yoga therapy certifications and learning the benefits of yoga, back bends are extremely beneficial for defeating depression. Invigorating movement of the spine, heart openers, chest openers, vulnerability turned powerful with the help of poses to deflect those triggers of depression. However that isn't the only key player, it's also identifying what it is that is possibly making you depressed, observing thoughts. Yoga means to yolk and combine so you have to be open to unifying these counterparts in order to alter the state of mind to release the right hormones, the feel good and rewarding hormones, like dopamine for one.

   Furthermore, yoga is beneficial for depression AND anxiety applying both back bends and forward bends. Depending on what you read, research, education, asking Mr. Google, etc you'll see several different case studies and suggestions about what postures are reflective benefits for depression. I had a case study back in Chiang Mai that I will use as a great example. There was a student who suffers from both anxiety and depression as well as admitting being a melomaniac, otherwise known as bipolar. People who suffer from anxiety, forward bends are recommended for introversion and calmness. Back bends are known for a counter productive use of depression. However, with this particular study it was an opposite effect so keep in mind it is a case by case basis and it's important to realize this per a persons emotional stability. I'm only merely suggesting what I learned, personal experience and it's up to you in your yogic journey of what will work entirely for your sake as well as guide others.

    Along with the back bends, breathing is also very important. Techniques such as Ujjayi - The Victorious breathe and Kapalabhati - The Fire breathe or Skull Shining breathe. The Ujjayi breathe is a highly common technique used in the physical practice of yoga, controlled diaphragramatic breathing with a slight contraction in the back of the throat. Kapalabhati is learned technique that may take longer to pick up on, though it does look seemingly easy. The control rather is what makes it a 'technique' and the awareness it provides you with. Below I have demonstrated alternate nostril breathing known as Anuloma Viloma or Nadi Shodhana. It's closing the right nostril first breathing through the left nostril, close, and exhale through the right. Inhale through the right, close, exhale through the left, then inhale through left, close both nostrils and exhale through right. Universal breathing technique.

Here is a list of postures you can practice to help in depression, and of course other magnificent benefits to menstruation, blood pressure, anxiety, etc. This blog is primarily in regards to depression, and I encourage you to apply these poses and breathing techniques on the daily. Please don't settle in the conviction that it only applies to one disease. That's the beauty of yoga, it's universal. Knowingly, each person is case by case, practice to your liking. Alternatively, you can also provide yourself with props for modified versions. I've highlighted the physiological aspects of the pose in aiding towards depression. Again, modify per your practice and bodily capability. I will touch base on anxiety next, and of course you will see many and multiple similarities as well capabilities for that disease as well applying postures. Any questions, please feel free to email me.

One Love and Bless Up

Desiree

 Bhujangasana - Cobra Pose 

• Stretches muscles in the shoulders, chest and abdominals
• Decreases stiffness of the lower back
• Strengthens the arms and shoulders
• Increases flexibility
• Improves menstrual irregularities
• Elevates mood
• Firms and tones the buttocks
• Invigorates the heart
• Stimulates organs in the abdomen, like the kidneys
• Relieves stress and fatigue
• Opens the chest and helps to clear the passages of the heart and lungs
• Improves circulation of blood and oxygen, especially throughout the spinal and pelvic regions
• Improves digestion
• Strengthens the spine
• Soothes sciatica
• Helps to ease symptoms of asthma

 Ustrasana - Camel Pose

• Helps to increase chest size and lungs capacity.
• Brings flexibility in chest, abdomen and neck.
• Stimulates abdomen organs.
• Improve the function of the respiratory system.
• Beneficial for Asthma patient.
• Activate whole respiratory organs and nerves.
• Cures problems related to Neck, Shoulders and back.
• Cures Vata, Pitta  and kapha dosha.
• Strengthens the back muscles.
• Stimulate thyroid gland.
• Releases back pain.
• Increases blood circulation to brain.
• Helps to improve Posture.
• Reduce the fats on the stomach.
• Improve digestion. 

 
​ Setu Bandhasana - Bridge Pose

• Stretches the chest, neck, spine, and hips
• Strengthens the back, buttocks, and hamstrings
• Improves circulation of blood
• Helps alleviate stress and mild depression
• Calms the brain and central nervous system
• Stimulates the lungs, thyroid glands, and abdominal organs
• Improves digestion
• Helps relieve symptoms of menopause
• Reduces backache and headache
• Reduces fatigue, anxiety, and insomnia
• Rejuvenates tired legs
• Relieves symptoms of asthma and high blood pressure
• Therapeutic for hypertension, osteoporosis, and sinusitis

Dhanurasana - Bow Pose

• Effective in weight loss.
• Improves digestion and appetite.
• Helps to cure dyspepsia (obesity), rheumatism and gastrointestinal problems.
• Cures constipation. Improves blood circulation.
• Gives flexibility to the back.
• Strengthens back muscles. Improve the function of liver, pancreas, small intestine and big intestine.
• Act as a stress reliever.
• Strengthens ankles, thighs, groins, chest, and abdominal organs.
• Cure menstruation disorder.
• Improve function of kidney and liver.
• It improves posture.
• Releases back pain.
• Cures respiratory disorder like asthma.
• Helpful is stimulating reproductive organs.
• Improve function of the pancreas and it is beneficial in diabetes. 

 Viparita Karani - Legs Up Against The Wall

• Regulates blood flow
• Alleviates menstrual cramps
• Relieves swollen ankles and varicose veins
• Helps testicular, semen, and ovarian problems in men and women respectively
• Improves digestion
• Restores tired feet or legs
• Stretches the back of the neck, front torso, and back of the legs
• Improves problems of the eyes and ears
• Relieves mild backache
• Provides migraine and headache relief, especially when done with a bandage wrapped tightly around the forehead and back of the skull
• Helps keep you young and vital
• Calms anxiety
• Relieves symptoms of mild depression and insomnia

Anuloma Viloma

• Blood pressure and diabetes can be cured completely with the regular and dedicated practice of this pranayam.
• Diseases of the muscular system are cured and is beneficial in arthritis, flatulence and varicose veins, acidity and sinusitis.
• Thinking becomes positive and you learn to overcome tension, anger, worry and forgetfulness, anxiety, uneasiness, high blood pressure, migraine and lack of sleep.
• Concentration, patience, resoluteness, decision-making ability and creativity also increase as advantages of anulom vilom pranayam.
• Increases oxygen supply throughout the body, making one feel calm and peaceful.
• Relieves stress, fever, eye concerns and ear issues.
• Improves blood circulation.
• Treats migraine, blockages in the arteries of the heart and chronic sinus problems.
• Transforms negative thoughts to positive.
• Controls obesity.
• Streamlines metabolism.
• Treats conditions of constipation, gastric, acidity, allergic problems, asthma, diabetes, gastric problems and snoring.

​

Anna Maya Kosha - Physical Body. 
Anna - Food/Matter
    The outer layer of Pancha Kosha starts with Anna Maya. This is the visible layer which man identifies with most consisting of shape, size, color, tendons, bones, muscles, blood, the 5 senses of smell, touch, taste, hearing, and seeing. It is the controller of cause, consumer, producer, feeding the physicality and a nourishment of earth matter. 
     
       When we pass on, we don't die. We transfer the vessel in which our soul resides in for a matter of time and when our physical body dies, our soul carries on to another dimension based on the birth and all attributes in conjunction of physical. In Yoga, the general public who practice identify with physical by asana, in order to feel and satisfy. 

Prana Maya Kosha - Energy
Prana - Vital
    It's the sheath the connects the Annamaya and Manomaya linking between the body and mind, interactive and dependant. It is the vital shell that is full of life. The pranic flows are in the blood, lymphatic and nervous circulation. Breath is a life-principle and is a controllable expression. Through the regulation of the breath (Pranayama) other bodies can be positively influenced. A disturbance in the vital energy may cause illness, and psychosomatic irregularities. People with a special ability in seeing another persons aura can perceive this body with their naked eye. Basically it is the principle of life that distinguishes between living and dead matter. It controls the urge of survival, reproduction, movement, and self expression. 
        Those with strong and egoistic vitals tend to dominate and feel the need to rule the world, where those with weaker vital energy are seen to be followers. However, the strong egoistic vital energy can be foreseen as great obstacle in attaining a more spiritual path. 
"All that exists in the three heavens rests in the control of Prana. As a mother her children, oh Prana, protect us and give us splendor and wisdom." - Prashna Upanishad 11.13

Mano Maya Kosha - Mind
Mano - Mind 
       The mind is comprised of the 5 organs of knowledge (nose, ears, eyes, skin, and tongue), the closest approximate to personhood. The mind is made up of thoughts, collectiveness, diversity, perception, judgement, reasoning, evaluating, comprehending, interpreting of 'I and Mine,' conceiving into thought, will, and/or wish.' The mind is the link between the soul and organs which helps in producing knowledge, pleasure, as well as pain, etc. Remember, the mind is like that of a magnifier, perceiving all enjoyments or pain which are not on a physical level but rather in three dimensions in sanskrit, the subconscious, the conscious, and unconscious. 
Sankara likens it to clouds that are brought in by the wind and again driven away by the same agency. Similarly, man’s bondage is caused by the mind, and liberation, too, is caused by that alone. 
'Yogash chitta vritti nirodhah' - Sutra 1.2 - The cessation of the fluctuation of the mind.

Vijnananmaya Kosha - Discernment
Vijnana - Intuition
     Known as the understanding, harmonized mind, knowing, a elevated state of consciousness, and intellect. It has been said it is the capability of understanding the exoteric (refers to knowledge that is outside of, and independent from, a person's experience and is capable of being ascertained by anyone). The body is felt, the mind is experienced but not seen, the soul is neither experienced nor seen. Therefore with practice, particularly in yoga, the awareness in consciousness begins to take place. During the processing of becoming aware and awakened, the will begin to break through chains of actions and reactions, allowing the self to break free. Vijnanamaya gives a person the opportunity to step back and analyze the situation, understanding and accepting a different perspective. This is where insight becomes rather bestowed. 


Anandamaya Kosha - Bliss 
Ananda - Bliss

 Made of pure love. The state of wholeness, of integration with the moment and with yourself, encompasses the inner sheath of anandamaya. This bliss state is usually experienced in fleeting moments, but can remain for longer periods. Importantly, anandamaya is still a sheath, a layer that can be peeled back. When anandamaya is peeled away, we reach atman—our very center. Atman is our direct connection with the divine, with the essence of all that is. It is our pure consciousness. Anandamaya pervades each of the previous outer sheaths, but is only experienced once we are able to peel the illusions of each sheath away to reveal our true nature. Anandamaya can be experienced in those moments when you are wholly immersed in that which you are doing—when you no longer separate yourself from your experience.

    Marijuana, Meat, and Coffee. All things I enjoy or have thoroughly enjoyed. It's not to say I will never do all three again, I know my faults and at times we (generally speaking) will slip. I am however making a conscious effort day in and day out of not to do it. Submitting effort in each avenue of avoidance to stay on course of keeping my good habits, good.

Meat.

    I was not a big red meat eater. Going to the steak house with a cognate insatiable yearn for a Tri-tip or New York steak, wasn't my vice but I didn't mind it either. I have cooked steak and I enjoyed eating it. I prefer chicken if anything, and Iberian ham. I absolutely love a good piece of chicken with all the right anecdotes, all the succulents of good meat brought delightfully into my mouth while satisfying the carnivore in me. In fact, the three places where I have experienced the best chicken are quickly as follows:

1) Asolo, Italy - Approximately 12 years ago in a small Italian restaurant. Mild seasoning, a timely and patient waiting game for the main attraction to be put on the table. Divine piece of bird was eaten as the main course. Finger licking good. 

2) Xiamen, China - November 2007 at 2am. Just finishing a gogo dancing gig with my girlfriend. There was a van sitting outside our modern village of bakeries, tea shops, and salons just below the apartment we were staying at. A cute little old man and a woman, could of been his wife or daughter, can't remember entirely. Obviously with no Mandarin on our end and no English on theirs, we somehow conveyed in exchange of hand gestures and trust of seasoning. Absolutely delicious piece of chicken. 

3) Kingston, Jamaica, December 2014 - On my way to the retreat I was offered to teach at, there was a grill up on the side of the road in a town on the way to Long Bay Jamaica. I had told my driver that I was hungry and he asked if I ate meat, 'Hell yeah' was my response. We pulled over where he knew where to go, waited for about 10 minutes, and before I knew it, a 1/4 pound of chicken with a biscuit and seasoning was sitting in my lap. Top notch. 

       I have gone borderline vegetarian before on a few occasions, or have 'dabbled' with the notion of being vegetarian with moments of succumbing to the desire. It was and still is hard at times. When I do eat chicken, my personal recipe is chicken marinated in lemon juice, turmeric, rosemary, salt and pepper, slowly simmered to perfection that was just dandy to eat. That was my go to for protein and I began purchasing light meat from Steely Farms locally grown. Aside from chicken, Iberian Ham is my weakness, cold cuts as well. Weakness is the best word to describe it. Back when I use to travel to Spain regularly  in my 20's, it would be such a desire to engulf in the tapas of fine Spanish meats. I never imagined I would take that step of becoming vegetarian. We are labeled after all, carnivores, and for the most part human beings need meat to survive, so we are told. But do we really? We evolved from being hunter-gatherers and those who indulge in meat, I have no problem with them enjoying it as I did myself. Despite being told we have evolved from hunter-gatherer, we have also evolved with eating greens far more effectively now with humanity being the way it is. We don't realize the abundance of nutrients are and can be surrounded with all on a conscious effort that we don't need to kill animals. So, personally, what changed in me? I will explain later.

Marijuana. 

I loved smoking weed, I engaged in my first puff when I was a teen, and took many breaks throughout the past 15 years. There would be months I would go without smoking Mary Jane, but I fell into the routine of smoking to relax, smoking for social gatherings, smoking to eat when I had no desire to eat, smoking to ride a skate board, smoke to smoke. It became a goal of mine to smoke weed in countries I visited. I claimed I wasn't addicted, and it was purely recreational. Yet, the recreational became habitual, and habitual became a necessity, then the necessity became a dependency. I had come to terms, finally, I was an addict. 

There were times I did try to quit, but completely unsuccessful. It has only been a recent development of overcoming the dependency of mother earths goodness and I'm completely behind the legalization of Marijuana as well as it being beneficial to society. Some people do really need to smoke a joint and relax, laugh a little, be goofy, help to potentially eradicate cancer, seizures, and other health issues. So why did I quit and how did I? I'll explain later. 

Coffee.

I LOVE the smell of coffee. The stifling euphoric scent of roasted imported beans triggering the secretion of desire was yet something else, I wouldn't imagine giving up. As my boyfriend and I discuss, there is something about the ceremony of coffee. Morning cuppa Joe, enduring. Mid day cuppa joe, riveting. Studying cuppa Joe, essential. Yet, recently (August) I opted to step away from the clasp of Joe coffee as his grip on my yearn was loosing it's effectiveness. What gives for all this?

Explanation on Coffee.

      If any readers out there read my blog about the purge I went through upon departing India, I think it is partly to contribute. I also do fully believe in a conscious shift in looking inward to understanding the underlining admission to our habits. Although I discussed coffee as being the most recent habit/addiction I recently have stopped (I can't say I have fully given up permanently as I am in the trial and error stages, it is a process after all), there was primarily one reason why I did, Adrenal fatigue. 

      I am one who fully supports mid day siestas, I not only appreciate little naps, I strongly believe it's vital and beneficial to the mind and body, psychosomatic relation. Rest is good for a reboot. Having said that, I do tend to get tired and/or fatigue during the day, so of course coffee is a great pick me up. Lately, within the past months since I have been in class, I have taken notice how chronic fatigue has become increasingly more prevalent feeling completely and utterly, wiped out. 

      I'm a double espresso throw it back type of gal, and since I've been noticing the fatigue, I thought perhaps I should up the load and reload. Well, I get the initial charge of a caffeine kick in the beginning of coffee intake for about an hour and in a sudden instance, the engines begin to shut down. When I would ride passed a coffee shop, I definitely could feel a trigger, that addictive click. I watched a video on endocrines and particularly watched a video on youtube with Dr. Berg who had a video in regards to Adrenal Fatigue. My sleep was off, and I felt completely depleted. Now I'm not doctor or expert, I can only be a specialist to my own body by analyzing how I feel in it's functioning format. He mentioned coffee being one of many ways it can cause Adrenal Fatigue, so I thought to myself, "Ok I'll give up coffee for a week and analyze my body." That week turned into two weeks, since I was successful of one week. That second week transitioned into a third week, and here I am going on my fourth week of no coffee, but instead rather Green Tea and Matcha Green Tea. 

     I have noticed the fatigue has subsided extensively and though I get my clock work siesta triggers, I don't feel drained, depleted, and/or lethargic. I've had no withdraws (at least I don't feel as if I have) I'm not moody, short tempered, and I have substituted a copious amount of green tea, which allegedly isn't a bad thing. Added benefit, it's cheaper at some places to purchase. :-) I have noticed my energy is more stabilized, and I'm not saying it's entirely based on the coffee intake, but since I've eliminated coffee, I do feel balanced. Maybe it's subconscious, the placebo effect seems to work, thus far. I can't say I'll never drink roasted ceremonial delicacies again, as of right now no less, it's in full effect. I made up my mind to completely stop drinking it and each week builds on the week before. From coffee to Matcha Green Tea. 

Here's some great information on Matcha green tea.
http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/8-wonders-of-matcha-green-tea.html

Explanation on Marijuana.

Having been a habitual smoker since my teens with bouts of steadfast breaks sprinkled in between with some failed attempts to quit, I don't reflect too much on how I managed to quit, but more so as to why I couldn't kick it before and what was I holding onto. When I reflected upon my dependency, I had to come to terms I was using it for suppression on several levels. I understood that I had an overly active mind, and it also played into my self victimizing of thoughts and anxiety. On top of that, my mind was on hyper drive or remember everything to the point I wanted it to just, stop. I had felt for such a long time while not facing the false ego, that I desperately wanted to live in the moment. I wanted to decry all the intuitive confusion of my subconscious and the adhesively poignant derailment into a fix method of subdued present moment. I loved smoking weed but until I realized fully and accepted fully it was an 'in denial' clutch, I kept telling myself it was for leisure. There are factors as well, it helped me sleep, it heightened sensible elements, it helped being around certain people as a passive anti-autonomous way of dealing with surroundings. It was, a trigger enhancement for engaging partially to dynamic conversations when invited rhetoric was presented.
 
So how did I manage to quit? The day before I left India, I was stoned on hash and I said to myself, "That's it, I'm done." A mindful consciousness took over. Having just experienced a physical purge to now a conscious purge of what no longer serves for the betterment of myself, I had to make a choice and the choice was just. When I departed India, as I have stated in my recent blog about India, a part of me had died when I ascended into the skies en route to Thailand, and I couldn't even fathom the shift that took place. I just knew it was time and I haven't looked back since. I was able to just quit without any yearn, any desire. Even being around it, I have found that I was able to completely detach from a habit I was convinced I submitted to. Done and dusted. Who knows if I will ever dabble again, a test of discipline and regulated consumption. I say ever, because so much can happen and change in this lifetime but I was able to kick a habit as been said, 'Cold Turkey'. 

   Explanation on Meat. 

In India, the family I stayed with, my bro/teacher whom I studied with in the Philippines was born into vegetarianism and I knew I had to give up meat for a couple months while living there. It wasn't bad and I thought for sure I was going to start eating meat again once I left India. It wasn't India that gave me conviction to drop meat eating. It was, albeit with the support of being in India, by watching a film which showed baby chicks being slaughtered by a tractor in a film called Samsara. After watching the film, I then somehow stumbled upon a few more articles of fois gras and how geese are tortured by being force fed into bloated bags of fat for pure pleasure of a supposed French delicacy. I saw how cows were hung on hooks in a factory in India. I thought how in the f*&^ can humans who are in this producing system have no empathy for such animals who cannot speak for themselves and I'm a f*&^ing hypocrite. I have to be responsible for myself and myself only. 

      More and more I was leaning towards sticking to vegetarianism and it was HARD. Quitting the weed, powerful victory. Quitting coffee, transcended into a balance of energy. To fully stop eating meat, was the hardest thing I have done and it's still difficult up until now. I have slipped a few times where meat has been in a few meals of mine, and I had to do my best to pick it off. I attempted to eat a Chicken Cesar Salad, took one bite of the chicken and I couldn't. I picked off every bit. There have been a few times I made a mistake where I thought something was vegetarian and it wasn't. When I left India and arrived in Bangkok, I knew I was in for a challenge as there is meat everywhere and I'm all about street meat. But I said, I had already started this process in India, let's see how long I can keep this up. It's been 6 months of hard discipline. I went on a frenzy for a few months of eating french fries all the time, all the time! I didn't feel different internally, I did feel like I was packing on pounds from the damn french fries! So I wondered why did I stick to it, and it really boiled down to, inhumane. 

     The way meat is processed, especially in the states amongst grocery stores and super markets, along with seafood. My country is sending off chicken to China to be processed and returned, the hormone injections, the process, baby chickens being completely slaughtered in machines, piglets getting intestines ripped out alive, or heads bashed into the ground, saddens me. As much as I love eating chicken, ham, and beef, I had to be responsible for my actions. Fish and crustaceans I can't entirely give up though it's no different to eating meat, something is being killed and injected with hormones. Hypocritical, yes admittedly and I'm making a conscious effort of being selective pescetarian to full vegetarian. Changing the diet is quite the challenge but can be done. I don't know if I'll ever go full vegan as I love yogurt and cheese, especially CHEESE to the moon and back, as well as eggs. Yet to give up my Iberian hams, my full monty sandwiches, beef burritos, and lemon turmeric chicken speaks volumes on my behalf. 

  Overall Feeling and Reflection.


        I don't mind anyone eating meat around me, it's their choice nor smoking marijuana as well as drinking coffee. These conscious decisions have been made during a transitional shift I apparently was ready to do, at least for now. Here in Thailand fresh fruits and green veggies are in abundance, easy to purchase and relatively cheap. The real challenge is going back to the states and keeping the diet solid. Organic food isn't as cheap, but I know I can stick to not puff puff passing or cracking out on a coffee kick to come crashing down, I am optimistic of those conjunctions, at least. I have to take responsibility for myself and if I do fail, I do fail. It doesn't mean I can't make changes again and try harder the next time around. Though, if I have managed this far to stick to this new set of disciplinary actions even here in Thailand, then perhaps I can stick to it indefinitely. 


        In conclusion, for those who have read this and thought about making a shift or cutting a habit off, changing diet, or whatever it is you feel compelled to alter, what may help you further into a conscious shift, it can be done. Now, it comes down to why I chose to write this blog to share with others why I smoked weed, ate meat, and drank coffee. How does it benefit me by openly expressing changes, dichotomies, and blogging. I had to, I had to write through what has been toying in my head for a few weeks. Yoga is about body mind and spirit and all three play in formulation of each other to balance who you (I/we) are on this rock we call earth. Your senses become heightened, and your depiction of life is enhanced with the power of now. Now, you can make a change for the betterment of your soul so walk yourself through it and know you have the will power to do so. 


In humanity I trust we can progress to full evolution upon the right path, case by case, one change at a time.


Traveling Yoginista,
Desiree